Thursday, second last day of work.
Dear Heyeeyayo,
Hello Diary. Know that I haven't been writing in you for a very very very very long time. Didn't had any 'feel', but seem to realize they were just excuses for me to not write in you. My sis kept saying it is good to write, but deep within in while she was saying that, I told myself that; yes, I wrote. Hence I am good. But the truth is, I wasn't. I stopped writing. I stopped thinking. I stopped feeling. I stopped being feeling the real thing. Now that I am writing, I had been thinking to myself that I am turning good. Why do I keep praising myself, reassuring myself that I am still good and have been good when the truth is I am not. Because I did not and have not even do anything that is good, at the moment or in the near future. I lost the patience to understand what is really going on around me. I lost the patience to hear what is happening around me. I lost the patience to really do things that meant something for the future. I really thought I am good enough. Really thought so. Every day, telling myself that I have another day tomorrow to repent what I did, and do what I hadn't do for the day. When the next day really came, things that had happened or what I done, were replayed again. Things that happened around me controlled me. I cared, looked, and really, only think about how I feel, how I would feel, and how I'd feel. I knew others had feelings, I knew they have their feelings to protect and expressed, but I was nonchalant about them. I am sorry Diary. I really am.. I just hope the people around me are feeling free and not burden. I am able to choose to help, and I know I cannot find fault with people on the way I am because I know I am in control of what I think and do.
This has been the first time that I try to think what I really am feeling and thinking. I don't know if I am doing and thinking the right thing. But I really hope I did not hurt anyone. I hope I still can be good, and real.
Thank you Diary.
Hello Diary. Know that I haven't been writing in you for a very very very very long time. Didn't had any 'feel', but seem to realize they were just excuses for me to not write in you. My sis kept saying it is good to write, but deep within in while she was saying that, I told myself that; yes, I wrote. Hence I am good. But the truth is, I wasn't. I stopped writing. I stopped thinking. I stopped feeling. I stopped being feeling the real thing. Now that I am writing, I had been thinking to myself that I am turning good. Why do I keep praising myself, reassuring myself that I am still good and have been good when the truth is I am not. Because I did not and have not even do anything that is good, at the moment or in the near future. I lost the patience to understand what is really going on around me. I lost the patience to hear what is happening around me. I lost the patience to really do things that meant something for the future. I really thought I am good enough. Really thought so. Every day, telling myself that I have another day tomorrow to repent what I did, and do what I hadn't do for the day. When the next day really came, things that had happened or what I done, were replayed again. Things that happened around me controlled me. I cared, looked, and really, only think about how I feel, how I would feel, and how I'd feel. I knew others had feelings, I knew they have their feelings to protect and expressed, but I was nonchalant about them. I am sorry Diary. I really am.. I just hope the people around me are feeling free and not burden. I am able to choose to help, and I know I cannot find fault with people on the way I am because I know I am in control of what I think and do.
This has been the first time that I try to think what I really am feeling and thinking. I don't know if I am doing and thinking the right thing. But I really hope I did not hurt anyone. I hope I still can be good, and real.
Thank you Diary.
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