heyyeeyayo. yo!

Dear Heyyeeyayo, Hello Heyyeeyayo. Good Evening to you. Haha. It's like I'm typing so formal to you for first time. Hope you are still as well as the first day I know you! Alrighty, just want to say this to let it out. I hope it will really help me to get over it too. Or maybe, a kind of a good sign that I'm getting over it. I felt good to finally see Zhiliang on how is he doing. (Actually felt like a stalker though, and a really pervert loser) Sorry Heyyeeyayo.. to think that I'm being this way to other people. They, or rather he may felt offended and disturbed. Sorry.. I have kind of keep a note to myself that I will restrain myself from missing him and wanting to see him. I will always keep trying. Got to learn a few words today, and just want to wrote it down here. Caricature - A picture, description, or imitation of a person in which certain striking characteristic are exaggerated in order to create a comic or grotesque (comically, or repulsively ugly or dis...

Dear Heyyeeyayo, Today, just felt really big and fat today. Sigh. Mood was a little better than yesterday; as I think I felt more appreciative than yesterday, but still felt something is missing. Felt like I didn't try to live my best, didn't try to make the day out to be what it should be. I ill-treat the fortune that was given to me. Yet, knowing all these, I don't know what should I do. I felt like I've kept thinking about unnecessary things and events.. which I supposed you could guess it.. Ah Liang.. Hai. I really hope I can better myself from him. Not to lost the meaning of loving someone, but to learn how to manage my feelings well. I really can't say I love him, but just still feel thankful and amazed that he makes me feel something different from the others that I've gotten to know. I appreciate this meet up, hence hoping to want more of it. I really don't wish to spend time feeling sad about it. I feel really tired.. I got so many things to tha...

Dear Heyyeeyayo, Today, done quite a lot of mistakes I think. And I can feel there will be another one coming soon. Sigh. Seems like I had not improved at all. Overall, today, I felt really bad and lousy at myself. For not being able to be helpful and contributing. And, felt really really at my worst today too. Frustrated that I couldn't think of what that make me feeling this way. Getting lazy and fatter too. Futhermore, I've always keep thinking I'm a very good person whereby I'm not. Why do I even have this kind of thought of myself. I gotta really do something. Not only to myself, but to the people around me too. Like what everywhere is spreading, to be kind, to think good of others and to others, to be generous, and to just do the best. I always have to be this way.

Dear Heyyeeyayo, Today, thought more about Ah Liang. Hmm. Not sure why though, but wasn't as upset as how it used to be. Also, I think my brain is getting really stupid. I think super slow now. Can't even remember some of the Chinese character that I knew how to write a few weeks ago. I'm worried though. Was it because I lack of something. Sigh. I really ain't ready for a companionship. Who would want a lady, or rather, someone like me. I've always envying people who found their comfort in someone else. In addition to that, those someone else are also getting their comfort back from those people too. It's really a gem-found feeling. Reciprocal; vice-versa; and mutual. I just hope that Ah Liang can find his. Also, to all the people around me too. Arghh. I've been relating all the stuffs that I'm thinking and writing back to all the readings about Aquarius. Felt like I'm just acting base on that. But I really hope I am not acting but just being myse...

Dear Heyyeeyayo, Today, and the previous few days, read through a lot of readings about Aquarius. Yet, still not able to get the spelling correct. Sorry.. But just wanted to say that it gets me feeling like I have lost myself all these time. I don't feel as much of an Aquarius as compared to previous times of me. Felt like I have changed into someone very unlike or unbecoming as an Aquarius. I wasn't as knowledgeable I felt. Had always kept thinking I was better but in fact I wasn't. I've become worse. Seeking pity? Seeking empathy? When I can just recover myself properly. I know I can, and I know my problems are really very tiny compared to others. When others are still staying so strong, why am I living as if I had the worst. I've really done nothing much to others.. While others are being so helpful and kind, why am I taking all the things around me for granted. Why am I always blaming others. I have to be conscious of my surroundings, people's feelings, a...

Dear Heyyeeyayo, Today, or rather just, I flared up again. Know that I cannot give any explanation for it. I just got to keep my temper. Even if I feel a wave of emotion coming up in me. I can feel it. I really think I am crazy. So what I read up alot about Aquarius. It doesn't mean I am good if they say anything good about it. I'm still living in my own thoughts and beliefs. If I am wrong, I am wrong. I ain't no better. I really got alot to learn, to see, to realize.. and to be humble. I have to be. Today too, I thought of Zhiliang again. What makes me feeling back to zero was feeling the same hit of melancholic slap against all parts of my body again; from hair to sole of my feet. That hit was still big, and impacting. As if it was just the first day when I got into this aching maze. I don't know how long I will take man, but I do understand that I can't force myself to forget; remember less; or pretend that it was just a casual person I've know in an dati...

Dear Heyyeeyayo, Today, went to Xiu Xiu's Graduation Ceremony! She finally is freed! Lol. Okay, sorry. Shouldn't say freed. But felt that she really deserves this after all the tough times she had been through. I didn't really support her or be with her throughout her tough journey. Hence, I was very touched when she remembered to invite me to her ceremony. Thank you so much Ah Xiu. And also, Thank you for willing to let me get to see your dad when you felt uncomfortable letting others know. Thank you. May you feel all the love and blessings that you deserves from all the people surrounding you. Your sis will be fine too :) Want to say things that I naturally felt during the ceremony and the whole of today. Yea, Ah Liang. haha. That I think of him when I sees people taking photos. That when I saw a guy holding a camera hurrying his way out from his seat to the front just to take a photo of his graduate's on stage, I'd imagine how it would be like if that was h...

Hello Heyyeeyayo. Just happened; that I accidentally did something rude to my brother which was not my initial intention. It was just to want to being rude to her... hai. Evil intention really doesn't do anyone good. Sorry Heyyeeyayo... for being such a bad person, still.. Yesterday, went to read the first post I posted and trying to read the rest of it from there onwards. Could remember some, couldn't remember some. Only, there's one thing I feel. Is that I think I used to be quite good in talking rubbish, linking alot of unrelated meaning but having same or similar words together. Some posts were really unbearable to read, hahaha. Really hope there weren't anyone reading them. Miss those times though. I think I was a more generous person, compared to now. Though can't really say generous, but as a comparison to now, I think I could use it just to say how bad and mean I've become now.. I think all I'm thinking is always about myself. My feelings, my he...

Dear Heyyeeyayo, Today, friendships thought won over him. Nothing to be happy about too though. My friendships 'status' weren't that good too. Just nice Ah Poh messaged me saying it's been very long that I didn't message her. Haha. This proves even further that I ain't a good friend eh. Sigh. I saw a post once saying we can't use people to determine our feelings, values, or emotions. Something like that. But, I do get affected. That's how you know how you make other people feel too. What you do to other people, other people will do that same to you. I told Ah Poh I am feeling down, that's why I didn't contact her. I did thought of her, but to me, I just don't feel ready to face people. I felt she kind of understand. Which, I am really grateful for. She didn't hesitate to believe me too. I was even grateful that she even come messaging me today. Hai. Why do I feel so messed up. It just didn't gets better.. I thought it will, or it w...

Dear Heyeeyayo, Been crying again. Didn't expect myself to be so weak. Only listening to songs, and mopping the floor will make me do that. I realized I wasn't tired, I just don't know what to do about it. Who loves feeling lost.. Who loves feeling unwanted.. or unappreciated? Probably I'm the one feeling all of it. I think I put my whole in it. Too deep? I am just another girl.. I need to know this in my head.. and heart..

Dear Heyyeeyayo, Feeling lost again. Actually there are so many other stuffs that I should attend to, but he is the only thing that I kept thinking about. Met with Ah Liang on Thursday! And as usual, was really nervous, but this time, but with a tinge of worried as this was a very long meet-up after our last one, and in between this, I could feel he wasn't interested in contacting me too. This meetup happened because I shamelessly asked him how was he, and somehow, it lead to a date to meetup. If I didn't made the move to ask about him, I guessed he won't even texted me till now. Still, to me, the meetup on Thursday was, I don't know. We did talk, and I feel okay all the while. But I also got to know more about his past dating stuffs, probably his current feelings to some girls. I don't know what I wanted to do too. I know I asked many questions, and knowing that he gave up girls he liked, makes me want to push him to pursue them. I don't feel sad when I sai...

Dear Heyyeeyayo, Today.. I've come to you again. Hahaha. Using 'Today' as my starting was on purpose, as I realized I have been using this to start my post every time. Still, Heyyeeyayo. Today, I initiated my last try to message Ah Liang today. Wanted to ask how was he, and manage to get a dinner with him. Didn't expect it. I didn't mean to get a date, or maybe it is just a dinner with him. I hope I didn't make it seem like I'm forcing him for a meet up because I mentioned that I wanted to treat him back a meal, and even mentioned about going to my fav Indian food place. Hai. This is really my last try. Really can't hope so long. Think I've been hanging onto this for too long, till I kind of lost myself I think. Why don't I sound like a adult... Still coming to you whining about such stuff. When other people are busy pursuing their dreams, knowing what they wanted in life, or at least, not living in denial. Heyeeyayo!! What should I do!

Dear Heyyeeyayo, Today, or rather these few days, I felt really bad. In the end, I'm still not able to earn respect from the people around me. I still can't find the reason up till now. Always thought I'm the victim I guess. Or always took advantage of others and didn't realize it. I am afraid I will lost all the people I have now. I have the fears, but I don't know what or how to do about it. I remembered there's a saying, 'If you don't do anything about anything or something that you wish to happen, nothing will ever change or happen.' Something like this. But everytime when I thought I'd do something about it, it always goes the wrong way. It's not something I expected or hope to happen. I feel damn weak. 27 years old. Yet, I feel like I've gain nothing when I was an teenager. Probably even gotten worse than before. Maybe, I should really learn to prioritize the people around me.. And, I feel that I have deteriorate alot... in wri...

Dear Greenie, Today, still feeling really un-Friday.. Haha. This isn't even a word. But somehow I could only think of this to describe my favorite day of the week. However, yesterday something amazing and thankful thing happen to me. Auntie Margaret gave me a hug. Which, I need it so much. She was the only one who I dare to say what I really felt too. And she managed to give me the thing that I needed most. Today, she leave me a vegetarian dumpling on my table too. Remembering me being a vegetarian, and leaving me a piece of it on my table. Thank you so much so much Auntie Margaret... About being initiative in love, I think I am doing quite a lot. Something that I won't do.. but I am doing it now for Ah Liang. Hai. What am I doing. Is it good, or new? I don't feel good about myself. I feel cheap. 明明很清楚他没兴趣.. 还硬硬去出现在他的荧幕上. ahjialee, why are you doing this. I just want to thank him for making me feel worthy for that while. For willing to eat vegetarian with me despite...

Hello Heyyeeyayo. I think I am shamelessly seeking for attention. Or is it that I can't feel the real me when I am chatting with him. Sigh. I really sucks at this. Ruining everything. Somehow I feel I am not able to keep him long. Based on my 'performance'. I really do adore him. How do I describe to you? I don't know. I just keep thinking about him almost everyday. I know it's so ridiculous. Oh noooo, Heyyeeyayo. I am really really very bad.

Hello Heyyeeyayo! Can't believe I am back here! Hmm. Sorry.. it's because there is something that is bothering me so  much again. Sorry Heyyeeyayo. I have been making use of you again, right? I guess, I have to diverse myself a lot from him. I really need to. It's been 4 days. (Hahahaha, sigh, I know. It sound so silly) But it's seems like so long though. I really can't think too much, and expect too much too. Arghh. Heyyeeyayo.. Can you give me some advices.. I really do not know what to think, do and feel..