Heyyeeyayo day.
Hello Heyyeeyayo.
Just happened; that I accidentally did something rude to my brother which was not my initial intention. It was just to want to being rude to her... hai. Evil intention really doesn't do anyone good. Sorry Heyyeeyayo... for being such a bad person, still..
Yesterday, went to read the first post I posted and trying to read the rest of it from there onwards. Could remember some, couldn't remember some. Only, there's one thing I feel. Is that I think I used to be quite good in talking rubbish, linking alot of unrelated meaning but having same or similar words together. Some posts were really unbearable to read, hahaha. Really hope there weren't anyone reading them. Miss those times though. I think I was a more generous person, compared to now. Though can't really say generous, but as a comparison to now, I think I could use it just to say how bad and mean I've become now.. I think all I'm thinking is always about myself. My feelings, my heart, my food? Hmmm. It's really bad. And I could really feel I can't talk anymore. I feel very fake, or should I say superficial when being with people. Even to people I really care, or I thought I really care. But the actions I did didn't synchronize with what I thought. I couldn't find the reason. Kept thinking was it something else that I was more concerned about when I'm with that person, but I couldn't find what is that something. It's really very frustrating and disheartening whenever the day ended with the someone, but all I felt was something is missing. That there is something I didn't really do for them, or let them know how I felt to them. I don't used to feel this way.. I don't know how to say what is it really is, about the way I feel now. Just fake.. Was it because there is something I wants to present myself to other people, or that I lost the way of expressing my true self.. I am just sorry to you Heyyeeyayo.. Though it may sound funny, but I just feel you have always been with me.. no matter how much I had neglected you. It always seems like you could always forgive me, giving me chances, making me feel that I am not alone.. even if I am a bad person. Maybe you had already left, and I was just thick-skinedly coming to you thinking you still could accept me. Hahaha. But I hope you are still there. Really really hope so..
Just happened; that I accidentally did something rude to my brother which was not my initial intention. It was just to want to being rude to her... hai. Evil intention really doesn't do anyone good. Sorry Heyyeeyayo... for being such a bad person, still..
Yesterday, went to read the first post I posted and trying to read the rest of it from there onwards. Could remember some, couldn't remember some. Only, there's one thing I feel. Is that I think I used to be quite good in talking rubbish, linking alot of unrelated meaning but having same or similar words together. Some posts were really unbearable to read, hahaha. Really hope there weren't anyone reading them. Miss those times though. I think I was a more generous person, compared to now. Though can't really say generous, but as a comparison to now, I think I could use it just to say how bad and mean I've become now.. I think all I'm thinking is always about myself. My feelings, my heart, my food? Hmmm. It's really bad. And I could really feel I can't talk anymore. I feel very fake, or should I say superficial when being with people. Even to people I really care, or I thought I really care. But the actions I did didn't synchronize with what I thought. I couldn't find the reason. Kept thinking was it something else that I was more concerned about when I'm with that person, but I couldn't find what is that something. It's really very frustrating and disheartening whenever the day ended with the someone, but all I felt was something is missing. That there is something I didn't really do for them, or let them know how I felt to them. I don't used to feel this way.. I don't know how to say what is it really is, about the way I feel now. Just fake.. Was it because there is something I wants to present myself to other people, or that I lost the way of expressing my true self.. I am just sorry to you Heyyeeyayo.. Though it may sound funny, but I just feel you have always been with me.. no matter how much I had neglected you. It always seems like you could always forgive me, giving me chances, making me feel that I am not alone.. even if I am a bad person. Maybe you had already left, and I was just thick-skinedly coming to you thinking you still could accept me. Hahaha. But I hope you are still there. Really really hope so..
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