heyyeeyayo. yo!

Dear Heyyeeyayo, Today, friendships thought won over him. Nothing to be happy about too though. My friendships 'status' weren't that good too. Just nice Ah Poh messaged me saying it's been very long that I didn't message her. Haha. This proves even further that I ain't a good friend eh. Sigh. I saw a post once saying we can't use people to determine our feelings, values, or emotions. Something like that. But, I do get affected. That's how you know how you make other people feel too. What you do to other people, other people will do that same to you. I told Ah Poh I am feeling down, that's why I didn't contact her. I did thought of her, but to me, I just don't feel ready to face people. I felt she kind of understand. Which, I am really grateful for. She didn't hesitate to believe me too. I was even grateful that she even come messaging me today. Hai. Why do I feel so messed up. It just didn't gets better.. I thought it will, or it w...

Dear Heyeeyayo, Been crying again. Didn't expect myself to be so weak. Only listening to songs, and mopping the floor will make me do that. I realized I wasn't tired, I just don't know what to do about it. Who loves feeling lost.. Who loves feeling unwanted.. or unappreciated? Probably I'm the one feeling all of it. I think I put my whole in it. Too deep? I am just another girl.. I need to know this in my head.. and heart..

Dear Heyyeeyayo, Feeling lost again. Actually there are so many other stuffs that I should attend to, but he is the only thing that I kept thinking about. Met with Ah Liang on Thursday! And as usual, was really nervous, but this time, but with a tinge of worried as this was a very long meet-up after our last one, and in between this, I could feel he wasn't interested in contacting me too. This meetup happened because I shamelessly asked him how was he, and somehow, it lead to a date to meetup. If I didn't made the move to ask about him, I guessed he won't even texted me till now. Still, to me, the meetup on Thursday was, I don't know. We did talk, and I feel okay all the while. But I also got to know more about his past dating stuffs, probably his current feelings to some girls. I don't know what I wanted to do too. I know I asked many questions, and knowing that he gave up girls he liked, makes me want to push him to pursue them. I don't feel sad when I sai...

Dear Heyyeeyayo, Today.. I've come to you again. Hahaha. Using 'Today' as my starting was on purpose, as I realized I have been using this to start my post every time. Still, Heyyeeyayo. Today, I initiated my last try to message Ah Liang today. Wanted to ask how was he, and manage to get a dinner with him. Didn't expect it. I didn't mean to get a date, or maybe it is just a dinner with him. I hope I didn't make it seem like I'm forcing him for a meet up because I mentioned that I wanted to treat him back a meal, and even mentioned about going to my fav Indian food place. Hai. This is really my last try. Really can't hope so long. Think I've been hanging onto this for too long, till I kind of lost myself I think. Why don't I sound like a adult... Still coming to you whining about such stuff. When other people are busy pursuing their dreams, knowing what they wanted in life, or at least, not living in denial. Heyeeyayo!! What should I do!

Dear Heyyeeyayo, Today, or rather these few days, I felt really bad. In the end, I'm still not able to earn respect from the people around me. I still can't find the reason up till now. Always thought I'm the victim I guess. Or always took advantage of others and didn't realize it. I am afraid I will lost all the people I have now. I have the fears, but I don't know what or how to do about it. I remembered there's a saying, 'If you don't do anything about anything or something that you wish to happen, nothing will ever change or happen.' Something like this. But everytime when I thought I'd do something about it, it always goes the wrong way. It's not something I expected or hope to happen. I feel damn weak. 27 years old. Yet, I feel like I've gain nothing when I was an teenager. Probably even gotten worse than before. Maybe, I should really learn to prioritize the people around me.. And, I feel that I have deteriorate alot... in wri...